haha. yea not really inspired but have a couple things to share. :]
i believed my my heart has been changed by God tonight from the JUMP (Jesus U Must Praise!) concert.
"but God is a God who restores the weary souls," a Source inexhaustible.
in a lot of ways, God has tried to speak to me pertaining my growing bitterness that i've sitrred up recently.
Desires of a complete Family. the woman He sent to testify about the change (and saving) of hear heart in the situatioin that her family gave her.
In her first sentence when she started saying, "I grew up in a family where my father is not around." my heart already started to tremble as I know God is going to speak to me. and he wants to tell me some things.
a summary to her testimony: but there is a Father in Heaven who cares and loves me.
you know, some of you reading this now might yet to be a believer of Jesus, and you might be thinking that Christians became Christians because they needed to have that experience to fill up the hole in their heart caused by misfortunate events that have hurt them in their life. and probably you might be thinking this God-thing is just fake, and a successful illusion that could hallucinate a healing for ppl like me which is why it is especially appealing for ppl like me to adpot or to believe in.
however you know what? God is not just needed by ppl with a sad hurting past. Everyone needs God in their life. and it's for all the personal issues that every human has. eg.: you are facing the issue of sadness and loneliness alone. last time, currently, sooner or later.
God is someone who will lives in your heart and his Holy Spirit counsels you so that you wont have to face the obstacles in life alone, and you won't be able to..
however, moving on to my story...
remember i said about the growing bitterness in me?
I wont share everything here cos i wont be able to. but i'll just cut short to some points.
In my heart i wanted to badly, someone, an adult, because they signifies a parent, to come to tell me saying "yes newell, you've suffered alot didnt you. despite all the grueling tough times but you still manage to make it to today didnt you. you've been very lonely all your life right... but you've been very perservering i know. you do not have anything else, your only life is what you have left and you do not want to let go of it either, so you worked extremely hard to gain credible skills. the talents you have today were the results of your past hardwork.. you have spent much time thinking, trying to logicalise everything on earth to make sense of which your life is involved in. and you've gained much knowledge and wisdom. you are incredible, but you have walked a lonely road"
i wanted so badly to have acknowledgement from someone, just to let the person know that i was so poor thing. i wanted so badly to gain the attention from people that i couldnt gain from my parents. i deeply thirst for praises by adults, someone who have an adult mentality. all this while although i knew that God knows all of that which i've suffered through and all my lonely yet victorious achivements, but i wasn't satisfied because i wanted it not from someone invisible but from someone seenable and touchable, someone that's a human. i became so displeased with God that he didnt send me one. I know i was being childish, but i justified to myself telling God what's wrong with a child being childish?? I am a child stucked in a grown body!
so carrying that bitterness with me to last night's JUMP concert, I watched out for anything that God will use to speak to me. But i teared when i hear him through the singers talking and the songs during worship. as i felt what god spoke to me. so with a disciplined mind, i asked that unperishable question i had all this while. i thought that since God whom is also my Father in heaven, he should know everything about me. I know god didnt send that man i want for a reason.
so i asked God "what do you say about me then. if i cant get a human opinion..."
and God said to my heart..., "You are my child."
God's acknowledgement:
then i just froze for a moment. and i soon realise that God has thought that I am His child... and that's even more than what i want from some adult to think about me as perservering and pitiful...
Jesus...
4:45 AM 
