I've,
probably forgotten about 70% of what I wanted to say initially!!
this sheet always happens when I'm in the perfect feeling to blog, so i naturally processed what I'm going to blog in my mind ya, and when I finally make it to be at the front of my com sitting on my com chair, at the "create post" page, I JUST GO BLANK!.
ANYWAY, i'll just write down what i can still rmb la.
i rmb something abt transitions in life.
it will happen, this is how it is designed, so deal with it biblically.
also i rmb something abt myself.
it's smth abt..
i try very hard to become the new better person that i could able to forsee in my past, that being all knowing of the detailed details of personality/character/person/moral of myself that what would lead to what and what means what, i became too overly cautious with my every step, trying to aim perfection in all little things, towards being the person that i forsee myself able to be.
AND THE PROBLEM IS:
now no one can see what am I really.
the essence of Newell is deeply compressed into a core and stored inside the center of my heart.
but i've come to realised through some things in life that i shouldnt hide myself THAT much out of humility and carefulness, BUT who I am should come out from the inside and fill up every flesh of my flesh, up to the skin. i've come to think that PERHAPS, what was my original intention, though it's a good one, is now blurred as time passes what caused me to hide myself was because of this thing called: PRIDE. cos i dont want anyone to see my flaws.
i think i should really start to be true to who newell is, and my very soul should be as large in size as my body! i think this way, people can see who i really am and there will be more securities in my friendships.
i was so scared to make any one mistake. cos i experiencially believed that sometimes it just takes a single mistake to kill others. that simple. but however. in exchange of not making any mistakes to others, i made nothing for others. no one can get any rich piece of me because i didnt offer them. i was so worried that i speak of imperfect words of wisdom that it'd actually create obstacles that hinders others to see the light of God. but now, suddenly but slowly, i rmb what i once believed. that God works through precisely the imperfectness to showcase His perfection, power and omnipotence to the seeking one. what i mean is, it is true that God works through the mundane things everyday, grasping all opportunity to reach the hearts of everyone. to heal.
i shouldnt be afraid of making mistakes. i know my intentions are good and pure before the Lord. pray all times for his grace over my possibly-made-but-unknown mistakes.
and, If one is not making any mistakes, He is not doing anything.
How true this statement is to me now..
He dares to do all things that he needs to become a true man. Anyone who dares to do more is none.
macbeth said that too.
a question i asked myself: now am I being the He?
no. because i tried to do something more, by simply not doing anything, to not do any mistakes.
Amen,
amen.
12:14 AM 
