nothing to say
sitting alone on the bench in the tranquil forest embraced in grey.
i see myself from behind the scene,
what is that suppose to mean.
why'd there be a bench in the forest
why'd there be a man in the forest too,
that man i don't know who he is, yet i know he is me.
what's is he looking.
is he not concerned by the time passing away while sitting there.
is he anticipating.
is anyone invisible in entity sitting beside him - a bench's for two.
or is he really alone.
or is this picture just a self pity.
11:33 PM 
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I dislike people for the reason behind their ways.
look who's got the more intelligent disliking.
- and your suffering from your piling up of frustrations was caused soley by your own [stupidity] inadequacy.
while my sufferings are caused by people in their stubborn ways, take an example: you, which couldn't be change partly by your own egomania and your ignorance - which is caused by you thinking there is no need for you to seek higher information and pursue knowledge, so you do not pursue. Conforming to the fact "you are who you are" and claiming the verse that says "humans are not perfect". dude(s), that's not seeking perfection, for everyone's sake. that's just an act of realisation that you can be better - which could be revealed to you if you THINK and self-reflect. and for the world's sake take off that lens of yours that judges yourself as limited.
and if you're angry, your probably the biggest idiot. I get angry only in a mind that's being task-oriented. I've known of people getting angry because of the way i act - i think that's utter boolishitness. just ask yourself one ***king question about me: WHY.
this person told me say he/she felt angry about smth i did, lucky him/her i wasnt caring so much that day or i'd have replied "if you're angry with me I'll be ten times more angry at you" in a real spirit of my anger.
THINK PPL. At least get a relevent reason behind all your ways, challenge yourself to find out why you are not doing the things you dont do. Is the reason for that really that hard to overcome afterall? Is it beyond/against the sole nature of your human soul otherwise FAST from doing what you dyingly need to do and OVERCOME YOURSELF. the rewards are a better person. your frikin life, frikin live it. and STOP WHINING.
i have to live my childhood with these hard teachings ways in mind and heart and who's ever there to tell me they're sorry in full understanding of the situation i faced with my junior courage? who understood the humility i was forced to attain in order to LIVE LIFE FRICKINLY like how to live a life? and now everyone's thinking life's hard for them, i didnt even want to let them know my past so they wouldnt condemn themselves by comparing, and I dont mind the absence of their compassion for it. but look what they took for granted, mocking at life's sufferings.
When will things ever get done?
When will you ever understand that life is for you to grasp, and with it you can do great things in this time you guarentee you have on Earth?
THINK. STOP WHINING. the KEY is just your "YES" decision.
LAZINESS IS A DEADLY but PROBABLY THE MOST STUPIDEST SIN.
(and absent-mindedness tags along laziness, so you might forget my points.)
2:32 PM
i am rebuked for feeling too much now.
evidently I really have tried very hard.
but that's not my point for now though..
any drop of identifying out there?
2:23 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
caught in the undertow
-------------------------------
Numb - Linkin Park
I'm tired of being what you want me to be [v1]
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface [v2]
Don't know what you're expecting of me [v3]
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes [v4]
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you [v5]
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb I can't feel you there [v6]
I've become so tired so much more aware [v7]
I'm becoming this all I want to do [v8]
Is be more like me and be less like you [v9]
Can't you see that you're smothering me [v10]
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control [v11]
Cause everything that you thought I would be [v12]
Has fallen apart right in front of you [v13]
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you [v14]
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take [v15]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there [v16]
I've become so tired so much more aware [v17]
I'm becoming this all I want to do [v18]
Is be more like me and be less like you [v19]
And I know I may end up failing too [v20]
But I know You were just like me [v21]
With someone disappointed in you [v22]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there [v23]
I've become so tired so much more aware [v24]
I'm becoming this all I want to do [v25]
Is be more like me and be less like you [v26]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there [v27]
Tired of being what you want me to be [v28]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there [v29]
Tired of being what you want me to be [v30]
------------------------------------------------------------------
Numb - Newell
I'm tired of being what you want me to be [v1]
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface [v2]
Don't know what you're expecting of me [v3]
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes [v4]
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
My next decision is a sin. [v5]
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
In surreal but You belong to real. [v6]
I'm tired and alone. [v7]
Messing up cos I tried to include You. [v8]
And I'm standing in front of the house of mine. [v9]
Your ways conflict mine. [v10]
As You hold me and never let me go. [v11]
Cause every fragment of good future You see in me, [v12]
Shatters as I am sinning them away. [v13]
My next move will be yet one setting us apart. [v14]
I fail to be a good steward of my given time. [v15]
I'm in surreal but You dwell somewhere true. [v16]
I'm smothered and left. [v17]
Messing up cos I tried to include You. [v18]
I'm standing in front of the house of mine. [v19]
I might not be saved laterwards. [v20]
But I know You'd know how I feel, [v21]
Cause You feel it Yourself too, someone's feeling disappointed in You. [v22]
I'm in surreal but You dwell somewhere true. [v23]
I'm tired and alone. [v24]
Messing up cos I tried to include You. [v25]
I'm standing in front of the house of mine. [v26]
I'm in surreal but You dwell somewhere true. [v27]
Must I really save the world? [v28]
I'm in surreal but You dwell somewhere true. [v29]
Must I really save the world? [v30]
12:39 AM
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I've already committed it in my heart, so it stays to say that I'm selfish.
I have never understood the *wowness* of this song this much until today.
I felt like it, then I think it's really the issue there. And as I was trying to find a word to describe it, I found it:
that's right, it's "Numb".
The lyrics just fit in word by word during its starting.
"I'm tired of being what You want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what You're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in Your shoes.
The next decision is a sin.
In surreal but You belong to real.
I'm tired and alone.
Messing up cos I tried to include You.
I'm standing in front of the house of mine.
Your ways conflict mine.
As You hold me and never let me go.
Cause every fragment of good future You see in me,
Shatters as I am sinning them away.
The next move will be yet one setting us apart.
I did not be a good steward of my given time.
I'm in surreal but You dwell somewhere true.
I'm smothered and left.
Messing up cos I tried to include You.
I'm standing in front of the house of mine (- and I wanna go in).
I might not be saved laterwards.
But I know You'd know how I feel,
Cause You feel it Yourself too someone's feeling disappointed in You.
---
I promised that i won't be blogging my feelings, yea i didnt. these are my analyzed observations picked up from me.
Song Numb brought to you by LP's Numb and Newell.
[a sign of "I" used many times today.]
[(going self-centered again?)]
1:47 AM
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
REALLY.
there will be four sections but please read them all if you start reading the first one cos they're like chapters of a story, all related somehow. :)
Chapter ONE: my thoughts for the day.
as I grow older, one of the things i'd like to remain is the style of thinking like a child. why? maybe it's only for the likes of me or just myself, but as i was a child i think very focused, and my mind is alert in all its surroundings as i reason out every procedure that needs to be done to produce something. therefore a stubborn determination i will have to achieve that result, in which makes me able to remember every minute detail merging and contributing to that final goal. the kid's vision of Perfection.
=====================================================<BR>
Chapter TWO: my work so far in Astons.
FUN.
Fearsome,
Under my control &
New lands to explore.
and fun!
i like being fierce sometimes, and i love to wield power and authority and i need to constantly go diff worlds to test my powers out so as to learn and ensure im not just almighty in my own well like that froggy. (:
i was fierce many times today at work =x in a negative way.
i frustrate and prided. roar.
==================================================<BR>
Chapter THREE: God in my life.
in an honest confession and humility i prayed at the end of my work before i ate my staff meal thanking God for the food and the holy spirit encouraged me to talk to God more about my day. It was amazingly empty then at the 3 stations so it encouraged me to pray a lil longer. and so i started pouring out my heart contains for the day. and i remembered how much i've sinned today =x by my pride, casting judgements, inwardly slandering. so, felt glad that i still have God to cleanse my heart of these evilness at the end of my day. i held gratitude that God gave Jesus to me freely once again, but at an expensive price for him. there is nothing in this world that can stop God's grace and love from reaching me, so i wanted to claim that in my life. and i told God that now i want him back in my heart, after kicking him out throughout my day..
i was thinking, how long am i going to let myself be in this "im in with God" and "nah, im getting outta God's presence" state in my life? how am i able to be like the leaders and some members of my church who stayed with him throughout in their lives with an unshaking faith, when i keep getting in and out all the time. and i heard this voice saying in my heart "you can never be, so why bother to try and pretend that you can now? you should keep sinning." then the holy spirit reminded me of something, "better is having one hour with God than a lifetime without him!". i should thank peiqing for putting this nick on her msn years ago, hence make it known to me. God works through the mundane things, and knowledge is power. so, encouraged, i decided to return to God once again, even if it's for one minute that i can substain. and the devil fled upon the faith. It is about faith in God that He can save, in all problems.
=================================================
SORRY IT'S GETTING LONG I KNOW SRY!<BR>
LASTLY!
Chapter FOUR: [ADVERTISEMENT] Toni&Guy.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!
CALLING ALL WHO HAS NOT DYED THEIR HAIR FOR PAST SIX MONTHS AND REBORNED IT, OR ANY PPL OF VIRGIN HAIR, THERE IS THIS OFFER FROM MY HAIRSTYLIST IN TONI&GUY ACADEMY. PLEASE CONTACT MUA.
Anyone wants to do highlight for her assessment, most prob it'd be free, or else super duper cheap. She's a damn good stylist, and is one of the best students in Toni&Guy Academy. However! one requirement, your hair must be of shoulder length or just after it. =]
(actually i lied about chapter four being part of smth related to everything else but hey, you know this is sorta like how you do advertising... :)) (btw i just got deja vu seconds ago before right now..)
BYE! and thanks all for your time once again at me blog. :)
1:13 AM
Monday, October 6, 2008
however they run and run, and ran with all their mighty might, that no one could understand the feelings enveloping inside their hearts. and truly, no one else can do a greater job than they could.
but, at the end of the day, weary and exhausted, what they see as the biggest things to them now are actually the simple things of life.
life was designed with a style: simplicity.
and it is man's ego that tries to outwit Life, the very only thing that was given to us to own.
1:55 AM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
my thoughts..
not my feelings... from now on.
____________________________________________________
Jen, my unit leader in my church actually revealed to me certain issues about my life and character that are so true yet i never manage to notice.
i was pouring out to her about my dissatisfactions, feelings toward, and opinions about the people in church. it was a long conv on msn, but then laterward she thanked me for being truthful and choosing to open up my geniune feelings to her. and after a few rounds of debate, she wanted to offer me few of her findings in regards to a trend that i have when i give my opinions.
they are:
most of the things i said, are centered around my feelings.
and
i choose to let my feelings take over my mind, and let my feelings do the decision making.
and
feelings come and go. and i have let feelings come and fill my heart, till so much that it choked my heart up. and in the end, where's the clarity?
and
i feel more than i think.
and so i thought, wow, she might be right. these might be the reasons to a certain change that I spotted in myself and was frustrated with..
it's true to why am i always so unclear.
and why things'd never work out..
She asked me am i able to tell her how one particular day was quickly.
and the truth is, i couldnt.
i feel that i could remember... but then i couldnt.
and she proved her point that my feelings choked my heart.
She said its not that i dont think. i do think, but i feel more than i think, and i let what i feel overrule what i think and how i think. so i actually killed my own logic.
so i asked what should i do?
she replied, "write down your thoughts."
for writing makes a man precise.
she repeated, "write down your thoughts NOT feelings.."
and then lastly she emphasised that, the Devil loves to toy with our feelings.. and when we give in to how we feel instead of doing what was told in the bible, sooner or later the Devil will mess our life up with our feelings, and thus leads to backsliding, or falling away from the Faith. People who fall into this trap will grow more self-centered instead of others-centered, and if many people falls into this state the church will grow disunited and will easily fall apart eventually, because no church can stand and honour God when its people is not united. My God emphasised all over the bible that without unity, nothing can be done. People with people, and people with God alike.
Even Jesus himself as God prayed to the Father in heaven daily before he starts his day ministering and serving to people.
newell live by your thoughts now..
3:37 AM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I don't wanna blog what happened.
once I start, it's diarrhoea, I can't stop.
bye..
2:19 AM
