sometimes i really i don't know what you guys want me to do.
one minute you want me to voice out, but then you only listen to what I say in your own time and target.
it's not when you accidentally make a mistake that i'm upset about, that's nothing, and don't think that it was the thing that upsets me.
but it's when you knowing you made a mistake but failing to find out what are the consequences, and what measures you can take to prevent it or smoothen out its impact.
From the start when I didn't want to talk about anything it was because I foreknow this happening could happen.
But instead being understood I was hurt by all the anger that was thrown back against me, as being angry for not choosing to voice out even though I was told to do so.
but hey, seriously. Seriously, ...you know I'm really left speechless by this behavior. It could be considered as my first sense of betrayal that I minded.
Before you ask me to do something that's right, do remember that are you an instrument part of the righteous act or not. And if you are, please mind over your own actions.
So you wanted me to talk. I talked.
And you listened, that was good. But you had no idea what you should do than just offering your ears to me.
In full understanding of the significance of this purpose you've embarked me on, you should remember to do what it takes to make sure this purpose meets the end its suppose to reach.
If you wanted to know how I feel, make sure I concluded myself before you cease operation of the conversation. Assure yourself that you've gotten what you should, and not just assume you have by seemingly-so circumstances. Again, I want to re-emphasize that I am not referring to the accidental mistake that you had made. But rather, you didn't approach and ask me do I have anything to add on on the next day. If you really forget about it again, then this is clearly your weakness in proactiveness.
I will be sensitive enough to know not to drag very long. But are you sensitive enough to the demands of the actions you do require out of you?
I am upset at two things,
one> the unchanging folly that could compromise someone else some day.
two> the very contradiction of what you expect from me and doing only half the job. which puts me in a spot, with nowhere to go but stucked while receiving wrong accusations from the other party.
then lastly I'd be asked, why do I "condemn " the imperfectness of a person who is beautifully imperfect in essence, and while I myself is still imperfect? the misconception by personality dis-harmonization acts upon its unconscious nature, centering the issues on self, says: why isn't there enough grace that I give, then? But let me tell you what my psychoanalytical, processor personality says: one can't learn to be proactive without pain.
A great analyzer thinks and feels at the same time, because he knows that he wants to obtain an even more accurate answer.
But this statement would be as good as meaningless unless the hearer is aware of when he is thinking with his mind, and when he's thinking with his heart; not just distinguishing the difference, but able to check the frequency whenever he processes something.
Proactiveness can't be learnt without pain. Keep doing so doesn't make one proactive, remembering does.
2:09 AM 
