Some people can see, some people can't. The more I find, the more I know what I can see, and don't know what I can't.
That reached my gut instinct some years back. Which was why I realised that being intellectually talented isn't the best thing to yearn for after all. Though I admit that it was because of the intensive using of my brain to pursue answers, that by experience had led me to such abstractness of thought of such possibility happening to me.
So what I'm trying to say is, my main point is, not that we should stop seeking our answers but to remember that we can never be humble enough. Especially when we are more determined to not give up. Pride.
So I'd like to share what I did.
I knew that I had to be someone more to change for the better. If I have a goal in life I want the goal to be of truth and with meaning. And I'm a perfectionist. I can't tolerate one second more being in the person I've just managed to know of as a 'weaker' person or a second best. Knowing the changed is the first step to be it. I knew that grass is greener the other side, but how am I able to get there? Desperately, I went back to think again, in my thinking cap, not to decipher anything this time but to discover a new form of solution. This is when you need to have your heart with you. Slowly, slowly, I moved thoughts downward from my brain towards my heart. I didn't know this technique before, but when humans are desperate enough, we change. I wanted so desperately to get out of the frame of an intellect for the first time, that I find thinking things in ways that are 'betraying' to myself sometimes a necessity. What you gotta ask, what do you love more in life? and work towards it. I knew for certain then I can never be God anytime soon because I couldn't save everything. I had to decide what to let go. I count this as evolution. Maybe valid to be called evolution, if next time I could do something same in higher efficiency but with lesser losses. Eventually I did and finally found myself tapping into another source what they call Creativity. Guess that's why they discovered the brain as having two separated parts, the Logic part and the Creative part.
You have no idea of the process.
There was no structure and there was no stress even though I'm working towards an answer. Very intuitive. No system whatsoever. It's spontaneous. It's imagination, and you can give no proof to no logic. It was a moment I released myself from what I was sure and changing myself to become a ponderer. For the critical thinker I was before was building up his cockymanship and ignorance of pride and thank God that he made me felt the 'If' of my life and the direction I'm heading.
different experiences is the best in life or maybe definitely better than being the best in position in life. for it will mean nothing if so!
TIME OUT: to tell you the truth guys, if you've read it this far, gees, you know what? because as a matter of fact i've already forgotten the original structure of my story today and I was actually rojak-ing a lot of information for the last four paragraphs. I'm so sorry, for I was supposed to share something. The original structure I could remember just now was a i-promised-as-hell short and clear and nice! not a grandmother story. But after sometime, my brain just rusted out for some reason. Guess I can always think much faster than I can say. Though this weak arrangement might arise many misconceptions. But my point stays, that we can never be humble enough to be safe, especially if you have the characteristics of someone not willing to give up anytime soon. but giving up is stupid, but understandable, forgivable, but can't set aside it. The right thing to do is not give up, but change your thoughts and change your worldview. Human structure will always fail one day. Remember to be creative, it adds fun to your life! and this change is necessary to everyone because it allows you to see things you didn't know you can't. and the truth is, there's so much more out there than you can see, fools. but I love the fool my friends are and the fool I am. To Humanity!
i found recently a quote that einstien himself said too: creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. I tell you, it is true, and it starts by painfully 'betraying' yourself, put it in a nicer way: letting go.
2:43 AM 
