*takes in breath. breathes out*
First I dreamt that I was hanging out with someone then as we headed to Toa Payoh MRT Station, I entered the station but lost that person. Expecting the person to catch up soon enough, this person never bothered to come back. I waited in the train platform for hours then finally decided to call someone. I board a train to home then this person's friend called me back and told me the truth about his friend's character, and it turns out that I was unwanted by this person and then it triggered in me to have antisocial thoughts. Bad thoughts, and thoughts of a mental disorder patient. Our conversation stopped, and once again I told myself I'm choosing intelligence so that I will not feel those hurting feelings.
In my dream I became antisocial towards others. I appeared charming and bright, but I was very manipulative to get the things I want. I couldn't get along with others, and then I was brought to two shrinks for investigating.
At the questioning I hate the two shrinks because I was certain they couldn't help me.
But then I see this man sitting behind them, telling me what to say. He and I were able to engage in a really effective communication. He smiles and makes eye contact directly to me. We looked at each other and talked with no problems. So whatever he says, I say it to the shrinks.
After some time the shrinks, however, noticed that I was seeing someone I shouldn't be seeing in the room.
They tried to make me to find out if that man's real or not. I felt pressurized as that man and I were still having a strong connection.
But suddenly, unexpectedly after seemingly not being able to tolerate the emotion anymore, my higher intelligence that was kept in some part of my brain came out of where he was hiding and overruled the all the functioning of my brain. I could see things clearer and think different. He had me a new personality. I realize I was seeing an imaginary person just now, perhaps he's my friend, or my ally, and now he seems to fade off whilst looking at me. Like dying.
In the real world, at that time I think my mind was in too much shock and releasing too much adrenaline that it semi-awoke me to a semiconscious state.
Now I can recall that that part of my mind that was conscious was freaked out by how my it had managed to come up with these. All the people, all the words that they say - I swear I haven't planned them like my current scriptwriting module before I went to sleep. I have no idea how the pathology of the different class of people could conceive itself in my dream. Had I been observing behaviour patterns of different people too much? I don't know.
Nonetheless, while still semiconscious, I felt like that's how it feels like to be a mental patient. As time goes my mind is slowly gaining consciousness. And suddenly I woke up with my eyes wide open.
Time however, I have no idea how it is measured - in my dream and in reality - like Einstein's theory of relativity, the previous four paragraphs could have happened in one second.
Other things that happened in the dream which I couldn't find clearly the time they happened include, receiving a picture message of my friend apparently looking being raped by another friend whom I've not kept in contact with in reality. Strong pure emotions of worry, fear, disgust-cum-despise-cum-frustration-cum-anger towards some people in the dream, and a grief that hasn't awaken itself yet in my dream - maybe because I was suppressing it.
When I fully woke up and think about the dream, I think that it isn't a typical dream of some fantasy but everything in it really can find its own way of becoming real.
I wasn't dreaming a dream. I was seeing all the things I am apprehensive of at this point of my life.
11:52 AM 
