I want to explore the possibilities of being human, so I became a critical and creative thinker.
I believe in believing that we survive, is what make us, survive.
I believe things are what you make them to be. Love, loyalty, exist when you care for them to exist. Desires and faith give birth to abilities.
My hardest hardship is going for what I know and others don't. I don't get much encouragement from people.
I know God intended for man to pursue answers because he made them all around us and mute.
I am young, I am unconventional, I am a contemplator; the one who ponders, watches, and do.
I know more than I tell, because I'm
- Newell
A few life-changing events at my childhood led me to care about this universe, my life, and both its entirety and its infinite information.
Besides, obviously, analyzing all that had happened, I seek to let the unknown, the unconvincing, the undesired happen anyway. I got a compelling hunger for answers about things I've interest myself in and, too, things I haven't interest myself, so self awareness plays a big factor in it. I do that because I KNOW everything in the world plays a role in determining the quality of life. I believe I can stir my interest in anything because of the way I care how it impacts people such as myself. I do not allow in my mind anything lesser than being completely self-honest; if I screwed up: like it or not accept it no matter how it hurts. I have to keep my focus, stay with my objectives. I used to be very in control of my mind and character; not to be impatient, not to be lazy, no problems in dealing with difficult people and had a high self esteem. But recently I find myself wanting only to take a break, be more spontaneous and not living so uptight. I want to feel more relaxed. I even feel like retiring from who I am. It just happened in a way too advanced for me and thanks to it it reminds me of how inadequate I still am despite all the countless extra miles I've given. In a way I feel depressed, like I had enough, like why I couldn't do better. I experience way too much stress from my current life than I should (or could control), as my adulthood is approaching and the face of working life in Singapore appears bigger. I fear of how to handle my own future when I have overwhelming feelings of retirement from my very life. Something happened to me while I was asleep, and I hope to have a clue what it is. I guess this is the part of the story when I fall from my peak into the deepest pit I've ever face. And right now I'm just hoping I have some of the vigor the past me used to have, and I am trying hard psyching or motivating myself. When it works I am optimistic. When it doesn't I am pessimistic, and let's not forget that I have no clue how to get my support from people 'cos I didn't grew up in them.
PS: I am a shapeshifter of multiple aspects.
Winner of best boring and unimportant essay goes to
- Newell
5:45 AM 
